{"id":2738,"date":"2014-11-04T09:03:25","date_gmt":"2014-11-04T17:03:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=2738"},"modified":"2016-02-16T14:19:09","modified_gmt":"2016-02-16T22:19:09","slug":"october-4-2014-started-day-really-crabby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/my-art-and-process\/october-4-2014-started-day-really-crabby\/","title":{"rendered":"November 4, 2014 &#8211; I started the day really crabby&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/my-art-and-process\/october-4-2014-started-day-really-crabby\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><p>Listen to this post:<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-2738-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/20141105-215415.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/20141105-215415.m4a\">http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/20141105-215415.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>I woke up yesterday morning in the worst, dark funk.\u00a0 I\u2019ve not been sleeping well, but that\u2019s been the case on and off for over two years now.\u00a0 This felt like something else.\u00a0 I spent a lot of the weekend doing things that needed doing \u2013 stocking the larder (Costco, Trader Joe\u2019s\u2026), laundry, cooking for a family dinner &#8211; all things we \u00a0have to do &#8211; and that I do all the time, quite happily. I\u2019m a very domestic lady and I really like keeping house.\u00a0 But the studio has been still and dark a whole lot in the last weeks. With preparing for, leading and then recovering my energies from my first retreat and what seems like more teaching\/leading than ever, I\u2019ve found the impetus to go make my own art languishing. For the second weekend in a row, I told myself at the start I\u2019d spend a lot of time painting, drawing, playing with color.\u00a0 And I didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I just found myself pulled away by other things, with a remote sense that I wasn\u2019t in my studio\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Sunday morning, just after awaking, I found myself tossing about in my head how I might set up a color mixing panel to play with the colors that can be made with three paints\/pigments. It\u2019s something I started in the color class that I led in October and has been a puzzle ever since. So hopped out of bed, made my warm lemon water and cozied up in my chair at my painting table.\u00a0 I sat there in my fuzzy pink bathrobe and furry slippers playing with color arrangements. \u00a0I hadn\u2019t even brushed my teeth! It\u2019s something my logic brain loves \u2013 a puzzle! I spent an hour sorting out what to do and then mixing colors. Heaven.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/colors-from-3-pigments.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2739 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/colors-from-3-pigments-e1455661058295.jpg\" alt=\"colors from 3 pigments\" width=\"600\" height=\"263\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/colors-from-3-pigments-e1455661058295.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/colors-from-3-pigments-e1455661058295-300x132.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I ended up figuring out a way to fill the 12&#215;6 squares in a logical way to explore the range of color.\u00a0 Who knew that we could make all these gorgeous and varied colors with just three pigments? \u00a0There is a part of me that loves just looking at the colors and another loves creating structure out of a jumble.\u00a0 I\u2019m an organizer-artist!\u00a0 I had so much fun! \u00a0But then the rest of the day, I never circled back.<\/p>\n<p>What all this showed me is that I must, must, must have some kind of play in my art-life, as well as simply giving myself the time to immerse in what I want to paint. I\u2019ve been so focused on my desire to help others free their creativity that I\u2019ve been starving mine in a way. I did finish<a title=\"Rest\" href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/gallery\/grapes-and-wine\/\" target=\"_blank\"> \u201cRest\u201d<\/a> recently, and have been working in bits here and there on a sweet doggy portrait.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got four paintings that have been started over the past year or so and are nagging me to finish them. This is not what I\u2019m craving. Maybe it\u2019s what is keeping me from painting &#8211; and making me crabby \u2013 my telling myself I ought to finish them \u2013 like finishing my homework, rather than sink my brushes into the rain-dropped Fuyu persimmons that I took while up in Healdsburg, the day after the retreat.\u00a0 This is the *photo* below (the painting will come):<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/persimmon-collage-II.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2741 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/persimmon-collage-II-e1455661091723.jpg\" alt=\"persimmon collage II\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/persimmon-collage-II-e1455661091723.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/persimmon-collage-II-e1455661091723-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/persimmon-collage-II-e1455661091723-100x100.jpg 100w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow I am teaching <em>a Photoshop Elements for Artists<\/em> class for the first time, and I\u2019m not yet all ready (I\u2019m one who gives merit to the saying \u201cif it weren\u2019t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done\u201d \u2013 it\u2019s just how I roll!). \u00a0So, today will hold more time on the computer &#8211; so that I can help others do the fun and satisfying composition work with software, before starting to draw and paint.\u00a0 I did a bunch of work on the persimmon image above. It\u2019s a key part of my process. \u00a0I love using technology to compose.\u00a0 These tools are here at our disposal, so why not?<\/p>\n<p>But &#8211; AND, I know that unless I carve out time to play with my brushes, or at least draw the persimmons, I will not be who I need to be tomorrow for them.<\/p>\n<p>Sometime last year, I had this insight: \u00a0after having been a teacher and guide for other watercolorists for a few years now, my experience is that <em>this<\/em> is what I\u2019m made for. There are lots of skilled and inspiring artists in the world. \u00a0If I think about how I was put together and the life that has lead me to where I am, being with people in their creative journeys (which are really their life journeys) is what I\u2019m \u201cmeant\u201d to do.\u00a0 What followed was that I knew I must continue to paint my own paintings, because I need to stay in my own art-making process in order to best serve them in theirs, otherwise I\u2019d be out of touch and could not have integrity in what I said to them, especially when it gets hard, which is often!<\/p>\n<p>Today, this insight expands. Yes, I\u2019m meant to teach, but there are <em>paintings<\/em> in me and they want out!\u00a0 And when they are not let out, I am a very unhappy human.\u00a0 There is a quote from a chapter heading in Dawna Markova\u2019s \u201cI Will Not Die an Unlived Life,\u201d attributed to Jesus in the Gospel of St. Thomas. \u00a0I recently wrote it out, all colorful and playful.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/What-you-bring-forth.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2740 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/What-you-bring-forth-e1455661123567.jpg\" alt=\"What you bring forth\" width=\"600\" height=\"403\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/What-you-bring-forth-e1455661123567.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/What-you-bring-forth-e1455661123567-300x202.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a bit intense, but Jesus was intense!\u00a0 I have loved this idea, been emboldened by it, but yesterday and today, I feel it.\u00a0 I started yesterday by making a huge, long to-do list, and ended up getting hardly any of it got done.\u00a0 The art-maker had blockaded my \u201cproductivity\u201d in protest!\u00a0 I think it\u2019s worse once we have given our lives, ourselves to our creative expression, once the flow gets really going, it\u2019s much more painful when it\u2019s stopped.\u00a0 Take heed of that art-maker! She\/He is quite a force!<\/p>\n<p>To your creative expression &#8211;<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listen to this post: I woke up yesterday morning in the worst, dark funk.\u00a0 I\u2019ve not been sleeping well, but that\u2019s been the case on and off for over two years now.\u00a0 This felt like something else.\u00a0 I spent a lot of the weekend doing things that needed doing \u2013 stocking the larder (Costco, Trader [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1,29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2738","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-art-and-process","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - 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