{"id":2955,"date":"2015-02-10T11:37:57","date_gmt":"2015-02-10T19:37:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=2955"},"modified":"2016-02-16T13:58:09","modified_gmt":"2016-02-16T21:58:09","slug":"february-10-2015-celebrating-union","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/february-10-2015-celebrating-union\/","title":{"rendered":"February 10, 2015 &#8211; Celebrating union"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/february-10-2015-celebrating-union\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/mom-and-dad-1959-cropped.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2957 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/mom-and-dad-1959-cropped-e1455659835893.jpg\" alt=\"mom and dad 1959 cropped\" width=\"600\" height=\"420\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/mom-and-dad-1959-cropped-e1455659835893.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/mom-and-dad-1959-cropped-e1455659835893-300x210.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Niz and Jim &#8211; Mom and Dad &#8211; in the summer of 1959<\/p>\n<p>To listen to this post:<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-2955-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/20150210-Post.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/20150210-Post.m4a\">http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/20150210-Post.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>A week ago Friday, my mom and dad were married 55 years.\u00a0 They met in 1959, when my mom did a summer school session at Cal Berkeley. Sissy, one of her sorority sisters from Long Beach State had married one of my dad\u2019s buddies, Bob. My mom came over to stay with Sissy and Bob and they thought she and my dad might make a nice pair.\u00a0 They met in a bar \u2013 Gene\u2019s Bit of Bohemia in downtown San Anselmo.\u00a0 My mom, working on a double major in chemistry and math, had grand plans for a career and travel in Europe.\u00a0 Dad was glad for a date for the summer with a beautiful woman who wasn\u2019t going to try to tie him down.\u00a0 Almost all of his friends were married by then and he was (still is!) handsome and sweet \u2013 quite a catch.\u00a0 But by the end of the summer, Mom\u2019s plans were out the window \u2013 they were head over heels and making entirely other plans.<\/p>\n<p>Dad was 28 and Mom was 21 when they married on January 30, 1960. In those days he was quite old to be starting a family, so they went right to work on making theirs as quickly as possible \u2013 my brother Joe was born before the end of the year. I\u2019m second and was born just 11 months after Joe.\u00a0 The four of us lived in a one-bedroom apartment in Daly City with cribs on either side of their bed.\u00a0 My mom was working while Dad was finishing a degree in Biology\/Botany and getting a teaching credential at SF State.\u00a0 When she was pregnant with their third, my brother Matt, Dad started teaching at Drake High in San Anselmo. We then moved to Woodacre where they still live. Thirteen months after Matt, came Mike.\u00a0 Joe was just 3 years, 8 months when Mike was born.\u00a0 Three in (cloth) diapers at a time, she was a busy mom.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for all of us that she\u2019s been blessed with the most abundant energy of any human I know!<\/p>\n<p>The years have included some bumps for them (and us), some of them considerable. But their bond has weathered them all.\u00a0 They are in a new \u201cspring\u201d in their relationship. They wake in the morning and see who can jump in first with \u201cgood morning, I love you.\u201d\u00a0 As in many marriages, the two of them are such different people \u2013 sometimes these differences make marriage seem impossible, but now it makes them fit like puzzle pieces, each the perfect match for the other. When asked the secret of their long marriage, Mom says that what she does is focus her energy on what my dad <em>is<\/em>, not on what he is <em>not<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Sometime recently, I had this thought drift over me &#8211; about how remarkable marriage is.\u00a0 In most families, the married people are the only two who don\u2019t share any of the same genetics.\u00a0 Parent-children and siblings almost always share DNA, which can have a powerful way of keeping us in relationship. We say blood is thicker than water &#8211; clich\u00e9s are clich\u00e9s because there is truth to them. And the two people (of any gender) in a marriage share no blood connection.\u00a0 Sustaining that connection is an enormous challenge when our egos so easily make our mate into the \u201cother\u201d when pushed into the corner.\u00a0 When I think in these terms, I\u2019m not astonished at the number of marriages that end in divorce, I\u2019m inspired by all those that don\u2019t!<\/p>\n<p>Not all of us have one life-long marriage as my parents have \u2013 and as have Joe\u2019s parents \u2013 they\u2019ve been married more than <em>60<\/em> years!\u00a0 But for those of us who have been in marriages that have ended, being in another, as Joe and I have, can bring its own kind of blessing.\u00a0 We know what it\u2019s like to be with someone with whom coming back around became no longer possible. Breaking the promise I made to my first husband was the hardest choice I\u2019ve had to make in my life, even as it was the life-affirming direction to take.\u00a0 When it gets <em>really<\/em> hard \u2013 as I believe it does in all marriages \u2013 at least those that are fully alive \u2013 part of me has thought of leaving.\u00a0 But then I remind myself that whatever this pain has to teach me will remain until it\u2019s healed within <em>me<\/em>.\u00a0 This is hard work &#8211; and so worth it.\u00a0 The ripening, deepening of this relationship with this incredible man I\u2019m married to, is the reward.<\/p>\n<p>This week, I\u2019m finally going to finish the painting I\u2019ve been working on since November. Here it is \u2013 two persimmons after an early fall rain.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been lamenting how I started it in the autumn and it was meant to be painted then. We are now in winter, headed into spring, making it no longer \u201cin season.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0But now, it seems the perfect painting to be working on just before Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Valentine\u2019s Day is a mixed bag &#8211; it can be a hard day for anyone who isn\u2019t in a situation to snuggle with a sweetheart.\u00a0 For those who do though \u2013 to me &#8211; it\u2019s a day to appreciate the miraculous bond that brings two people together to share in one life, and the sweetness that is there amidst the challenges.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/always-2-8-15smaller.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2959 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/always-2-8-15smaller-e1455659869566.jpg\" alt=\"always 2-8-15smaller\" width=\"500\" height=\"511\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/always-2-8-15smaller-e1455659869566.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/always-2-8-15smaller-e1455659869566-300x307.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a>It\u2019s all here in this painting:\u00a0 two, cheek to cheek, still sprinkled with the tears of rain (which you will see when it&#8217;s finished!). The name for this painting had not popped out until I was working on it last night.\u00a0 Continuing with my intention to find one-word \u2013 if it\u2019s the title of a song, even better \u2013 I poked around on iTunes looking up words that were coming to me:\u00a0 \u201cpromise,\u201d \u201cembrace,\u201d \u201cvow.\u201d \u00a0They all have songs written about them, but none were it. Then I landed on \u201cAlways.\u201d\u00a0 There are several songs with that title \u2013 Bon Jovi has one, and Atlantic Starr, but the one that fit was written by Irving Berlin in 1925 as a gift to his bride-to-be, Ellin.\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=pXsIAY7fIc0\">Here\u2019s<\/a> Sinatra\u2019s version. It strikes the right note for me. All-ways, in all ways.\u00a0 The <em>real<\/em> always of being together and loving each other, one day at a time.\u00a0 Congratulations on 55 years, Mom and Dad. I love you so very much.<\/p>\n<p>Love,<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Niz and Jim &#8211; Mom and Dad &#8211; in the summer of 1959 To listen to this post: A week ago Friday, my mom and dad were married 55 years.\u00a0 They met in 1959, when my mom did a summer school session at Cal Berkeley. Sissy, one of her sorority sisters from Long Beach State [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2955","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>February 10, 2015 - Celebrating union - Life in Full Color<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/february-10-2015-celebrating-union\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"February 10, 2015 - Celebrating union - Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Niz and Jim &#8211; Mom and Dad &#8211; in the summer of 1959 To listen to this post: A week ago Friday, my mom and dad were married 55 years.\u00a0 They met in 1959, when my mom did a summer school session at Cal Berkeley. 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