{"id":2994,"date":"2015-03-03T20:47:15","date_gmt":"2015-03-04T04:47:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=2994"},"modified":"2016-02-16T13:53:04","modified_gmt":"2016-02-16T21:53:04","slug":"march-3-2015-putting-sword","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-3-2015-putting-sword\/","title":{"rendered":"March 3, 2015 &#8211; Putting down the sword"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-3-2015-putting-sword\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/bo-3-3-15.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2996 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/bo-3-3-15-e1455659568729.jpg\" alt=\"bo 3-3-15\" width=\"600\" height=\"350\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/bo-3-3-15-e1455659568729.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/bo-3-3-15-e1455659568729-300x175.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Bo, up near the top of the hill on our morning walk today. \u00a0The San Francisco skyline is barely visible in the center at the horizon.<\/p>\n<p>Listen to this post:<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-2994-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/20150303-Post.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/20150303-Post.m4a\">http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/20150303-Post.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>As any of you who have been reading these posts for a while knows, most weekday mornings I take our dog Bo up the hill that is on the other side of our neighborhood.\u00a0 There\u2019s a fire road and some side trails that go all the way to the top where you can see across to the surrounding ridges and valleys and even to the bay and downtown San Francisco.\u00a0 Lately we\u2019ve not been hiking all the way to the top \u2013 still the views are beautiful and it\u2019s <em>our<\/em> place.\u00a0 Bo seems to sniff extra intently if we\u2019ve been away for a few days.\u00a0 He must be checking to see who\u2019s been there recently.<\/p>\n<p>A couple of weeks ago we were on the street, on our way home when someone drove up going what seemed to me to be pretty fast.\u00a0 I called out \u201cSlow down!\u201d in an emphatic voice.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until he was right upon us, that I realized that it was our neighbor-friend, someone we know and love \u2013 he\u2019s a lab guy and always has a vigorous greeting for Bo (<em>and<\/em> who also has my art on his walls!).\u00a0 I felt awful. I had the impulse to say I was sorry for my tone. I <em>am<\/em> known to call out to the drivers of cars on our streets who are going too fast, but I mostly say \u201cplease\u201d at the beginning, and try to say it from my heart \u2013 a plea instead of a command.\u00a0 But this came out as a command and it felt awful.\u00a0 The next time we saw each other on the street, we each apologized to each other \u2013 he for his haste \u2013 he\u2019d forgotten something at home and was already late \u2013 which I <em>so<\/em> relate to. And me for my preachy tone. \u00a0I said I really wanted to remember that it isn\u2019t just those I already know and love who I want to offer that, but to anyone. It\u2019s always best to offer people their humanity in how we deal with them.<\/p>\n<p>Then last week, Bo and I were just coming down from our turnaround spot when we encountered another guy and his dog on the fire road. Bo was about 10 feet ahead of me with his ball in his mouth \u2013 yes, most dogs are off leash up on this hill &#8211;\u00a0 when the dog went after Bo.\u00a0 I heard that terrible dog-fight sound.\u00a0 I get so freaked out by the low-throat growling of big dogs entangled. Even if they aren\u2019t biting each other, it sounds like they are and I get so frightened. The owner of the dog, someone I know, but not well \u2013 he grew up in Marin and my brothers know him \u2013 started yelling repeatedly \u201cwhat are you doing?\u201d at his dog.\u00a0 After I got Bo back on the leash and said we\u2019d go back up and around via the trail to be out of their way, I called after him \u201cyour dog is just doing what is natural, Jim, he is <em>intact<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 His dog is not neutered and I had a judgment about it. \u00a0As soon as it left my mouth, it felt over the line.\u00a0 I was being a know-it-all.\u00a0 The fact is, he was totally responsible; he was right there in control of his dog and the situation, and all was well.<\/p>\n<p>The same impulse came to me to contact him and apologize.\u00a0 It stayed with me the rest of the day. I kept thinking about what I\u2019ve heard Alison say:\u00a0 \u201ca man can\u2019t protect you if he needs to protect himself <em>from<\/em> you.\u201d \u00a0This man is a really masculine, big guy.\u00a0 He sometimes wears camouflage on his hikes, I think he might be a\u00a0former Marine. \u00a0He\u2019s someone I\u2019d really want on my side, if Bo or I were in need of protection on the hill! \u00a0After dinner I found a contact page for him online and sent him a note.\u00a0 I apologized for what I said and how I said it and appreciated him for making sure we were all safe. \u00a0He replied the next morning, thanking me for reaching out. He accepted my apology and told me to rest assured that he\u2019d have his dog on leash when they hit the fire road.\u00a0 Ah, relief. We are all good.<\/p>\n<p>In my note to him, what came out of my fingers was \u201cI get all scold-y and righteous when I\u2019m scared.\u201d\u00a0 I realized this is also what happened to me with our neighbor who was driving too fast.\u00a0 Wow, how useful is it to know that this is where I go instinctively?\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot about vulnerability that is talked about these days \u2013 largely thanks to <a href=\"http:\/\/brenebrown.com\/\">Brene Brown<\/a>.\u00a0 It\u2019s the key to a whole lot of what we want (at least what <em>I<\/em> want) in life.\u00a0 And it\u2019s not where I go when I\u2019m scared. I\u2019m not sure how it would have gone if I\u2019d been able to realize my fear and speak out of it, if I\u2019d made a request instead of a proclamation about his \u201cmisbehaving.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But I didn\u2019t &#8211; I\u2019m a work in progress too!\u00a0 Cleaning it up later is then the best I can do.\u00a0 And in some way it might have been the more impactful outcome.\u00a0 For me to have gotten up on my high horse and then come back down to apologize and appreciate his efforts has connected me to him as a person in a way that I\u2019m not sure I would have if I\u2019d been vulnerable from the start. This way, I had the perspective of how it felt to have made him \u201cother\u201d first.\u00a0 At least this time, to gain <em>this<\/em> insight.<\/p>\n<p>In 2009, in <a href=\"http:\/\/www.understandmen.com\/programs\/for_women\/qc_workshop\/\">Alison\u2019s Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women<\/a> workshop I took a vow to give up <em>the right<\/em> to emasculate men forever.\u00a0 It has created the world anew for me. And it brings me to a beautifully vulnerable and feminine place.\u00a0 It\u2019s a place that has me know that I\u2019m inside a physical body that is biologically prey.\u00a0 Female bodies are factory-installed with bigger amygdalae in our brains \u2013 so we more easily fear.\u00a0 This keeps us from risking too much \u2013 especially when we are pregnant \u2013 for better survival of our species.\u00a0 Now, with the knowledge that men, (at least the vast majority \u2013 the healthy ones), will <em>absolutely<\/em> protect me, I can allow them their power and strength. I don\u2019t need to diminish it because I feel I have to protect myself.<\/p>\n<p>This vow does not mean that I won\u2019t ever emasculate again, I\u2019m human. It means that I\u2019ve given\u00a0away my sense that I\u2019m justified in doing so, that \u201che had\/has it coming.\u201d\u00a0 Though maybe not terribly egregious, what I said to both men was emasculating.\u00a0 It was dis-empowering.\u00a0 And it registered as so \u2013 immediately \u2013 in my body and heart.\u00a0 I am grateful to what I\u2019ve learned that has transformed me, giving me this impulse &#8211; to put them and our relationship back together.<\/p>\n<p>And knowing that when I\u2019m scared, I go to judgment and righteousness and get preachy is also helpful.\u00a0 Not only so I can watch for it in myself, but also to realize that others who might be preachy to me could be in fear and wanting to protect \u2013 even protect me.<\/p>\n<p>All we can do is the best we can in any given moment.\u00a0 I\u2019m committed to living this life in a well-examined way (or at least and examined-<em>enough<\/em>\u00a0way &#8211; last week\u2019s post comes to mind!), so that the next given moment my best might be a bit further up the path towards compassion, peace and forgiveness \u2013 for <em>myself<\/em> as well as for others.<\/p>\n<p>With my love,<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bo, up near the top of the hill on our morning walk today. \u00a0The San Francisco skyline is barely visible in the center at the horizon. Listen to this post: As any of you who have been reading these posts for a while knows, most weekday mornings I take our dog Bo up the hill [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2994","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>March 3, 2015 - Putting down the sword - Life in Full Color<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-3-2015-putting-sword\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"March 3, 2015 - Putting down the sword - Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bo, up near the top of the hill on our morning walk today. \u00a0The San Francisco skyline is barely visible in the center at the horizon. 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