{"id":3175,"date":"2015-05-12T12:17:04","date_gmt":"2015-05-12T19:17:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=3175"},"modified":"2016-02-16T13:08:07","modified_gmt":"2016-02-16T21:08:07","slug":"may-12-2015-failing-and-recovering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/my-art-and-process\/may-12-2015-failing-and-recovering\/","title":{"rendered":"May 12, 2015 &#8211; Failing and recovering"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/my-art-and-process\/may-12-2015-failing-and-recovering\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><div id=\"attachment_3182\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/ferry-and-bridge.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3182\" class=\"wp-image-3182\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/ferry-and-bridge.jpg\" alt=\"ferry and bridge\" width=\"600\" height=\"167\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/ferry-and-bridge.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/ferry-and-bridge-300x84.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/ferry-and-bridge-600x167.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/ferry-and-bridge-200x56.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-3182\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">My world-class commute!<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Listen to this post:<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-3175-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/20150512-Post.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/20150512-Post.m4a\">http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/20150512-Post.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>When I came back from my stay in Paris in 1996, I settled back here in a house in San Anselmo (in Marin) and worked in San Francisco.\u00a0 I either took the ferry across the bay to the Ferry Building or the bus across the Golden Gate Bridge.\u00a0 Not too shabby either way as far as commutes go!\u00a0 I remember warm evenings in the summer sitting outside on the boat, watching the city draw away from us, feeling the magic of the uncommon warmth (it\u2019s often windy and chilly in the summer on the Bay). \u00a0 And in the winter, I liked to get a window seat on the left side of the bus, so I could watch the sun set out over the Pacific Ocean as we headed north over the bridge.\u00a0 I thought to myself: \u00a0people travel thousands of miles to see this \u2013 and I get to see it\u00a0<em>all<\/em> the time.<\/p>\n<p>By about 2003, after meeting Joe, getting married and going through unsuccessful fertility treatments, the magic had worn off.\u00a0 I remember saying to Donna \u2013 who was officially my \u201ctherapist\u201d but is what I\u2019d truly call my <em>God <\/em>mother \u2013 that getting on that bus felt like \u201cslamming my soul against a concrete wall.\u201d\u00a0 I was searching for something else to do for work that would keep me on this side of the bridge. I suggested one day that I could do bookkeeping. To that she said \u201cyou are a teacher.\u201d (It is such a gift to have people in our lives that see who we are before we do.) \u00a0She pointed me to CTI &#8211; the Coaches Training Institute.\u00a0 She had another client who was going through their program and thought I might be interested.<\/p>\n<p>CTI is one of the best coach training organizations in the world and they are headquartered right here in San Rafael.\u00a0 I went home and read the curriculum on their website and knew it was <em>me<\/em> \u2013 working with people as they grew into the lives they were called to live was where I wanted put my energy.\u00a0 It took a couple of years before I started \u2013 April of 2005 \u2013 a <em>decade<\/em> ago!\u00a0 When I was in the third of five courses, one of the leaders saw something in me and asked me to consider doing CTI\u2019s leadership course.\u00a0 It\u2019s a 10-month, nearly $10,000 program.\u00a0 Holy cow!\u00a0 I was scared, of the time and money commitment, but also of what it would ask of me.\u00a0 I was still gripped by that stage-fright!\u00a0 I started Co-Active Leadership on my 44<sup>th<\/sup> birthday in November 2005. The \u201cme\u201d that emerged in the next 10 months can never go back inside the box she was held in.\u00a0 It expanded my consciousness, my sense of self and my impact.\u00a0 I learned the value of my voice and my point-of-view and the power of creating in partnership.\u00a0 It\u2019s an amazing program.<\/p>\n<p>We learned practical distinctions that I still call upon all the time.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about one of them a lot lately \u2013 recovery.\u00a0 We learned that the deal is not to avoid making mistakes, having missteps, going off track. The deal is how we <em>recover<\/em> from them.\u00a0 Through high-ropes exercises with a partner, we got in our bodies how even dangling helpless from a rope, there is a way to pull back up and get going again.\u00a0 <em>And<\/em>, that it almost always\u00a0takes the help of others.<\/p>\n<p>Recovery is not just what we\u00a0do, it\u2019s a mind-set.\u00a0 If we expect that things will go awry at some point and we take responsibility for the situation, we have a whole different set of capacities to handle it.\u00a0 If we hide, deny or crumble under the challenging circumstances, it doesn\u2019t go so well.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to do. Our egos don\u2019t like being responsible for what goes \u201cwrong.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>failure<\/em> \u2013 in our heads and outside them too.\u00a0 We are geared toward success, but we need to \u201cfail\u201d to be strong. \u00a0Even more than that, it\u2019s how it goes in life. We<em> will<\/em> fail.\u00a0 We can learn to see failure as a means to learn and grow.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m incredibly inspired by Alison Armstrong\u2019s commitment to recovering well.\u00a0 When she and her husband or other partners in her life \u201cblow up the laboratory,\u201d as she calls it, it is her commitment to work through what happened between them so fully, gaining all the learning and insight from it she can, so that in the end she\u2019s <em>glad<\/em> it happened. <em>This<\/em> is recovery in the spirit that we learned in leadership! And it\u2019s given the world Alison\u2019s work \u2013 which has brought freedom, understanding and peace to thousands and thousands of relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, these days I look at almost everything through the lens of creativity and how I can be a better teacher.\u00a0 I am largely self-taught \u2013 besides a few workshops and adult ed classes, I learned to paint by finishing every one of my paintings.\u00a0 When I hit a spot where I thought I\u2019d ruined it, or when it just looks so awful to me that a voice tells me it isn\u2019t worth continuing (and this happens with every painting \u2013 still!), I&#8217;ve stuck with it and figured out what it needed.\u00a0 Sometimes help comes from my reference image.\u00a0 I say to the painters in my groups \u201cwe are not <em>slaves<\/em> to our reference photos, <em>they<\/em> are our <em>servants<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 The photo, to the best of the camera\u2019s ability, captured the light, the color, the shapes of our subject &#8211; in the moment we were inspired by it.\u00a0 To that end it can be instructive to us in our painting process. \u00a0So, I compare the photo to the painting which tells me what\u2019s needed.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve learned to be bold.\u00a0 Painting <em>Reach!<\/em> several summers ago, I left the sky for last. I envisioned a smooth lovely wash of blue, but it was a warm day &#8211; it was drying fast and ended up all splotchy.\u00a0 I panicked that I\u2019d <em>ruined<\/em> it!\u00a0 \u00a0I took it out on the metal patio table, got a 3\u201d house painting brush from the garage, mixed up several blues and a violet and slathered the paint on.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the before and after.\u00a0 What I ended up with was a \u201clife in full color\u201d sky, and a much stronger painting than if I\u2019d been \u201csuccessful\u201d with the pale wash.<a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/reach-before-and-after-sky.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-3177 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/reach-before-and-after-sky-e1455656846958.jpg\" alt=\"reach before and after sky\" width=\"600\" height=\"351\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/reach-before-and-after-sky-e1455656846958.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/reach-before-and-after-sky-e1455656846958-300x176.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>With <em>August Bounty<\/em>, I didn\u2019t have a good drawing of the ivy \u2013 the image was dark and I couldn\u2019t see to draw it well. I tried to make it up as I painted.\u00a0 What I had painted was so bad that, though I had \u00be of the ivy painted, I put the whole piece of paper in the kitchen sink and sponged it off.\u00a0 I dried it flat, took a new, lighter photo of the ivy, re-drew and re-painted it from the start. <em>That\u2019s<\/em> recovery!\u00a0 There are some green stains that can be seen through the tan-colored paint over to the right (see the detail photo) &#8211; which I think actually makes it a bit more interesting.\u00a0 And &#8211; that I\u2019ve done this has made me a better artist and a better teacher.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/aug-bnty-recovery.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3176 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/aug-bnty-recovery-e1455656874739.jpg\" alt=\"aug bnty recovery\" width=\"600\" height=\"244\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/aug-bnty-recovery-e1455656874739.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/aug-bnty-recovery-e1455656874739-300x122.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I joke often about offering a workshop called \u201cCan this Painting Be Saved?\u201d Artists would bring the work that is tucked away because they don\u2019t like what they\u2019ve done.\u00a0 We can\u2019t be sure that every painting is one to be \u201csaved,\u201d but based on my experience, I\u2019d bet many are.\u00a0 And our creative capacity expands by even attempting it. This is the <em>real<\/em> gold to be mined.<\/p>\n<p>Whether it\u2019s a tossed aside painting, a relationship that\u2019s hit a bump or &#8211; for me &#8211; the eternal desire to take better care of myself, I\u2019m banking on the creative capacities that lie in committing to recovering fully.\u00a0 I invite you to join me.<\/p>\n<p>Love,<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listen to this post: When I came back from my stay in Paris in 1996, I settled back here in a house in San Anselmo (in Marin) and worked in San Francisco.\u00a0 I either took the ferry across the bay to the Ferry Building or the bus across the Golden Gate Bridge.\u00a0 Not too shabby [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1,29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3175","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-art-and-process","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - 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