{"id":3461,"date":"2015-09-22T18:27:54","date_gmt":"2015-09-23T01:27:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=3461"},"modified":"2015-11-07T10:53:49","modified_gmt":"2015-11-07T18:53:49","slug":"september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/","title":{"rendered":"September 22, 2015 – Lying down with the shadow"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n \n \"Fb-Button\"\n <\/a>\n <\/div>
<\/fb:like><\/div><\/div>
\"Our<\/a>

Our “baby dog” loves to rest on his mom’s bed<\/p><\/div>\n

Listen to this post:<\/p>\nhttp:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/20150922-Post.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n

I\u2019ve hit another patch where I\u2019m not sleeping through the night, which has me so appreciate how important it is to sleep well. I woke up groggy, and instead of getting up to write as I do on Tuesday mornings, I have been walking around the house in a fog. For the first time since I\u2019ve started posting every week \u2013 almost a year ago \u2013 I\u2019m at a total loss as to what to share with you today. I am sitting down and writing, and I have no idea what\u2019s going to come out of my fingers. So, I\u2019m starting with right where I am. I took 2mg of melatonin last night. I\u2019ve never taken more than 1mg at a time. I have an extremely sensitive system, I guess, because I learned first-hand that one of the side-effects of taking too much is nightmares. After lying awake for what felt like a couple of hours, I got back to sleep and I had two very short, terrible dreams \u2013 they were short because they shook me awake!<\/p>\n

The first one was the strangest experience. I was with Joe in our kitchen and (in my dream), realized I was having an out of body experience \u2013 I was watching myself as I was talking to him. Then, the strange part: what I can only describe as \u201cdark energy\u201d overtook me. It was as if I was being taken away \u2013 like I was being sucked into a black hole. I wanted to scream but couldn\u2019t. It was fear more intense and powerful than I\u2019d felt in a long time, if ever. I woke startled, but less than I\u2019d expected I would. My heart was barely beating any faster than normal. What I was most struck by, was how not upset<\/em> I was. I was aware of how consumed by fear I was in my dream, but also how totally safe and ok<\/em> I felt lying in my bed warm and cozy, Bo\u2019s fuzzy doggy-body lying up against mine on top of the covers. I was really fine. I had the thought to go crawl in bed with Joe for comfort, but I really wanted him to sleep.<\/p>\n

The next thing that came to me was – that what I experienced was \u201cthe shadow.\u201d Shadow exists in me, in my consciousness, in its most intense form and I fell into it, right in my own bed. And the next thought was of ISIS in the Middle East, (I know!<\/em> But it\u2019s where I went.) which to me is the most intense expression of the shadow these days. But it\u2019s not isolated there \u2013 it\u2019s in everything and everyone \u2013 violence, illness, disaster, fear. I\u2019m still on the email prayer chain from the church I used to go to. In the past few days, the number of emails asking for prayers has surged \u2013 most of them are for people with terrible health problems. There are the fires in Lake County \u2013 I hear every day of someone who knows someone who lost everything. My uncle just asked me if I was concerned about the Syrian refugees, that are pouring into Europe during my upcoming trip to Paris. Everywhere we turn, there is suffering.<\/p>\n

In the midst of all of this, I\u2019m preparing to leave a week from tomorrow for our Pilgrimage to Paris. I bought a new raincoat, some new, stylish low-heeled booties and a whole bunch of new clothes yesterday \u2013 my wardrobe needed French-ifying! I\u2019m going a couple days ahead of everyone else, so I can get things ready for them. I\u2019m emailing with my old friends I used to work with there. We\u2019re going to get together and catch up on each other\u2019s lives. It\u2019s all so wonderful. This trip is dream of mine realized. And the group of people going are all SO excited too, so looking forward to an incredible trip \u2013 \u201cthe trip of a lifetime\u201d a few are calling it.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>

My painting, “Douce”<\/p><\/div>\n

And there\u2019s the art that\u2019s coming through me. Somehow it seems to me that it\u2019s becoming more luminous. It feels funny to be saying this to you, but I am. I look at \u201cDouce\u201d the painting I most recently finished \u2013 hanging on the wall in my mom\u2019s office \u2013 our studio for part of the week. I see the space that the glass and flowers occupy. I see the light gleaming through \u2013 all in a way that doesn\u2019t exist in my earlier work. Or at least, not as much. I had a conversation last week with my friend Vicki about all of this. I have this nagging sense that what I do is trivial in the light of all this suffering. She said, \u201coh, if we all stop making beautiful things because life is too hard, then we are lost! We need you.\u201d I\u2019m so grateful for my friend.<\/p>\n

Vicki left on Saturday for the Democratic Republic of the Congo. She\u2019s there to teach trauma healing, to the survivors of the worst sexual violence on the planet. Suffering in the Congo really is everywhere. Before she left, she was very anxious about her role, comparing herself to others who are great at fundraising and making logistical stuff happen. I told her she will be bringing a kind of light with her that is priceless. She woke her first morning and sent me this via email:<\/p>\n

\u201cI was lying awake this morning (it’s morning here) in rapture. I know I am divinely led, not by anything I understand or want to name, but my being here and whatever comes out of it, is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing\u2026I know my words, and know they guide me: Transcendent, joyous, joyful, happy, excited, connected, wisdom, knowing–is there a word for being one with the universe, being in sync with all that is, in the flow? I think it’s GRACE. Because that’s where I am. And I remembered what Manuel Rodriquez encourages, that when you feel this grace, this wonderful affirmation of who you are, and all that is good in you and in the world, you spend time letting it sink in, really experiencing the physicality of it, the juice of it in your veins.\u201d<\/p>\n

I think we spend a lot more time paying attention to our experience of suffering. It\u2019s natural to do this. Our suffering has a place \u2013 that is to get our attention \u2013 something needs attending to! And if we don\u2019t there can be dire consequences. But where I\u2019m looking now after sharing all of this with you, is that the idea is to contain the suffering in a larger space, a larger consciousness. What Vicki is talking about, letting grace seep in, experiencing the \u201cjuice of it in our veins,\u201d grows in us the capacity to hold it all \u2013 the beauty and the suffering. I recall having bad dreams in the past, not even as intense as this morning\u2019s \u2013 and having been shaken, so much that I felt outside myself. I see my own evolution, in how right-in-my-center I felt as I was jolted awake this morning.<\/p>\n

There is a part of me that is protesting posting this for you – and anyone on the internet – to read. One could say it doesn\u2019t seem quite aligned with \u201clife in full color.\u201d But, it actually is<\/em> \u2013 full color is all<\/em> color – life as it is. To me it\u2019s the only \u201cright\u201d way to respond to all the suffering that happens around me, and in me \u2013 to share it as I experience it, not to avoid the truth of it. And then keep making beauty as if life depends upon it.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Listen to this post: I\u2019ve hit another patch where I\u2019m not sleeping through the night, which has me so appreciate how important it is to sleep well. I woke up groggy, and instead of getting up to write as I do on Tuesday mornings, I have been walking around the house in a fog. For […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3461","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSeptember 22, 2015 - Lying down with the shadow - Life in Full Color<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"September 22, 2015 - Lying down with the shadow - Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Listen to this post: I\u2019ve hit another patch where I\u2019m not sleeping through the night, which has me so appreciate how important it is to sleep well. I woke up groggy, and instead of getting up to write as I do on Tuesday mornings, I have been walking around the house in a fog. For […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-09-23T01:27:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-11-07T18:53:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Cara\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Cara\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/\",\"name\":\"September 22, 2015 - Lying down with the shadow - Life in Full Color\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2015-09-23T01:27:54+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-11-07T18:53:49+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#\/schema\/person\/d797aedc34742442251ceb8fef7ff393\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"September 22, 2015 – Lying down with the shadow\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/\",\"name\":\"Life in Full Color\",\"description\":\"Watercolors by Cara Brown\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#\/schema\/person\/d797aedc34742442251ceb8fef7ff393\",\"name\":\"Cara\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c6f3732b38fdc958366cca34fe90f54746a926a829fe1f8d64ceebfb3ac46752?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c6f3732b38fdc958366cca34fe90f54746a926a829fe1f8d64ceebfb3ac46752?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Cara\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/author\/cara\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"September 22, 2015 - Lying down with the shadow - Life in Full Color","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"September 22, 2015 - Lying down with the shadow - Life in Full Color","og_description":"Listen to this post: I\u2019ve hit another patch where I\u2019m not sleeping through the night, which has me so appreciate how important it is to sleep well. I woke up groggy, and instead of getting up to write as I do on Tuesday mornings, I have been walking around the house in a fog. For […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/","og_site_name":"Life in Full Color","article_published_time":"2015-09-23T01:27:54+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-11-07T18:53:49+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"Cara","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Cara","Est. reading time":"7 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/","url":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/","name":"September 22, 2015 - Lying down with the shadow - Life in Full Color","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg","datePublished":"2015-09-23T01:27:54+00:00","dateModified":"2015-11-07T18:53:49+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#\/schema\/person\/d797aedc34742442251ceb8fef7ff393"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/bo-on-the-pink-bed-1024x883.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-22-2015-lying-down-with-the-shadow\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"September 22, 2015 – Lying down with the shadow"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/","name":"Life in Full Color","description":"Watercolors by Cara Brown","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#\/schema\/person\/d797aedc34742442251ceb8fef7ff393","name":"Cara","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c6f3732b38fdc958366cca34fe90f54746a926a829fe1f8d64ceebfb3ac46752?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c6f3732b38fdc958366cca34fe90f54746a926a829fe1f8d64ceebfb3ac46752?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Cara"},"url":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/author\/cara\/"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1uJKT-TP","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3461","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3461"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3461\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3582,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3461\/revisions\/3582"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<!-- WP Super Cache is installed but broken. The constant WPCACHEHOME must be set in the file wp-config.php and point at the WP Super Cache plugin directory. -->