{"id":4126,"date":"2016-03-01T12:06:50","date_gmt":"2016-03-01T20:06:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=4126"},"modified":"2016-03-01T12:06:50","modified_gmt":"2016-03-01T20:06:50","slug":"march-1-2016-taking-pink-break","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-1-2016-taking-pink-break\/","title":{"rendered":"March 1, 2016 &#8211; Taking a pink break"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-1-2016-taking-pink-break\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><div id=\"attachment_4131\" style=\"width: 503px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4131\" class=\" wp-image-4131\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/morining-roses-WIP-3-1-16.jpg\" alt=\"starting a new painting of roses\" width=\"493\" height=\"370\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/morining-roses-WIP-3-1-16.jpg 584w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/morining-roses-WIP-3-1-16-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/morining-roses-WIP-3-1-16-200x150.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 493px) 100vw, 493px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-4131\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">starting a new painting of roses<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Listen to this post:<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-4126-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/20160301-Post.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/20160301-Post.m4a\">http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/20160301-Post.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>I am a thought-ful person \u2013 I mean to say not so much that I\u2019m kind and I think of others \u2013 which I do aim to be and do \u2013 but that I am <em>full<\/em> of <em>thoughts<\/em>. I\u2019ve been watching myself think, and am realizing how incredibly busy it is inside my head!<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s almost always the \u201cefficiency expert\u201d \u2013 this is the one who plans ahead, nearly constantly, about how I am going to <em>do<\/em> everything, strategizing as how to maximize the results of my efforts. Like when I wash up after dinner: I very intentionally wash the sheet pans first, so they can lean up against the inside of the garden window, then skillets, then saucepans. Bowls are last, smallest to largest \u2013 all so that everything will dry well, and will fit on the drying pad without water getting everywhere. It\u2019s like this all over my life. And even when I\u2019m scattered, which I am plenty, my mind is keeping track of how in-efficient I\u2019m being.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s the \u201crelationship monitor\u201d, who tells me that I really need to be in touch with this person or that, evaluating how that last conversation went and whether there is something else I need to say &#8211; if I may have hurt someone, or overlooked something. There\u2019s always someone I\u2019m overdue to get back to \u2013 an email or text message to reply to, an appreciation to offer. This part worries about whether I am giving enough, or saying enough to those who provide so much to me.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s the \u201clook it up addict\u201d, who is always on the lookout for what I don\u2019t yet know. Here\u2019s how this goes &#8211; just yesterday morning, at the start of the trail on my hike with Bo, I saw an oval bumper-sticker on a car that had the word \u201cVIOLIN\u201d on it. My mind went: violin, viola, cello\u2026 the last two instrument names have their roots in Italian, it seems, but what is \u201cviolin\u201d in Italian? I took out my phone to find out it is \u201cviolino\u201d and in then French, it\u2019s \u201cviolon.\u201d Viola is \u201cviola\u201d in Italian, but \u201calto\u201d in French. Ok, that\u2019s enough! Thank God for another part of me that had me put the phone back in my pocket, to be present with my dog on the trail in the beautiful sunshine!<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s another version of this part of me that is compelled to not just know, but to <em>understand<\/em>. I want to be able to put <em>everything<\/em> into the grand scheme in some way \u2013 and these are <em>big<\/em> things \u2013 the dark side of humanity \u2013 violence and suffering, the evolution of human consciousness, climate change and our future, and this incredibly unusual and unpredictable US presidential election. This part reads the opinion pages of the paper, listens to public radio, reads emails from all kinds of people working to further the causes of humanity \u2013 all with the questions: \u201care we becoming more conscious?\u201d or \u201chow are we evolving?\u201d in the back of my mind.<\/p>\n<p>Added to these parts, there\u2019s still the part of me that is food &#8211; and body &#8211; conscious, and the part that fears every little twinge, wondering if I could be <em>really<\/em> sick. There\u2019s the part that worries about all the trash we generate \u2013 sorting garbage wherever I go. There\u2019s the part that feels compelled to <em>make something<\/em> out of myself and my art business. This part that tells me I really need to be on social media more! And the part that makes and teaches art, always on the lookout for painting subjects and ideas about being a better teacher.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve recently come to realize, how completely <em>exhausting<\/em> all this mental activity is! <em>And<\/em> I see a thread that runs all through these patterns. I am positively <em>compelled<\/em> to self-improve. I am rigorous with myself, turning things around in my brain, looking for the \u201clesson\u201d for myself in all that challenges me. As much as this way of being has made me who I am now, has given me the capacities I have to perceive and understand and sometimes share helpful ideas and thoughts, I\u2019m also really <em>hard<\/em> on myself.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the season of Lent in the Christian calendar. I don\u2019t hold myself tightly to the tradition of \u201cgiving something up\u201d as a Lenten fast. But I have decided, even if I\u2019m a bit late, that I am going to give up on self-improvement for a while. It\u2019s time to give my precious self a break from the scrutiny and diligence. It\u2019s time for more sweetness, acceptance and ease. And having some fun while I\u2019m at it.<\/p>\n<p>In preparation for this past weekend\u2019s Oscars, I\u2019ve gotten started on the fun part &#8211; I\u2019ve been going to the movies! I\u2019ve seen more movies in the past month, than in the past year. <em>Brooklyn<\/em> was my favorite \u2013 what a lovely, lovely film. But I also thoroughly enjoyed <em>The Big Short<\/em>, <em>Spotlight<\/em>, <em>The Martian<\/em> and <em>The Bridge of Spies<\/em>. <em>45 Years<\/em> was powerful &#8211; not a feel &#8211; good movie as such \u2013 but rich with humanity. And my mom and dad and I went to a gorgeous documentary of the spectacular tenor, Jonas Kaufmann\u2019s all-Puccini concert, at La Scala in Milan \u2013 what a big treat it was, to experience all that emotion-filled music and inspiring talent.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve put away all the books on my nightstand, except two \u2013 \u201cLisette\u2019s List\u201d and \u201cDelicious.\u201d Both books were passed on to me by ladies in my groups \u2013 about things I love &#8211; art and food. I can feel the need for some time in museums \u2013 I\u2019ve not seen the Pierre Bonnard exhibit at the Legion of Honor yet, and in gardens. I want to paint tulips! Filoli, here\u2026 I\u2026 come!<\/p>\n<p>As part of this effort to give myself a break, I\u2019ve decided to paint only what I <em>really<\/em> want to paint. I\u2019ve been working away on one of deeply colored hydrangeas sitting on a decorated tile resting on a fountain. The colors are more jewel-y and muted \u2013 like late summer or early fall, when the image was taken. I\u2019ve left paintings unfinished in the past, but last year I\u2019d circled back and finished them all \u2013 giving me a sense of accomplishment &#8211; which has me reluctant to start a new stack of partial paintings that would \u201ctalk\u201d to me. So I\u2019d been dutifully working to finish it.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_4134\" style=\"width: 466px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4134\" class=\" wp-image-4134\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/hydra-WIP-2-26-16.jpg\" alt=\"The painting I'm setting aside for now. I'll get back to you... I promise.\" width=\"456\" height=\"330\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/hydra-WIP-2-26-16.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/hydra-WIP-2-26-16-300x217.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/hydra-WIP-2-26-16-200x145.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 456px) 100vw, 456px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-4134\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">The painting I&#8217;m setting aside for now. I&#8217;ll get back to you&#8230; I promise.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Spring has started in northern California \u2013 the earliest blossoming trees are full of petals, daffodils are up, the hills are green thanks to some rain this winter. All of this has me wanting to be painting with springtime colors. So Saturday, I drew two new paintings \u2013 both of roses in pinks, corals, a range of sunny greens. I\u2019ve started in on the \u201cfuzzy background\u201d of one of them, looking forward to painting rose petals in tropical punch colors.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_4135\" style=\"width: 511px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4135\" class=\" wp-image-4135\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/new-paintings.jpg\" alt=\"The two images I drew on Saturday. I've started the one on the left (above).\" width=\"501\" height=\"188\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/new-paintings.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/new-paintings-300x113.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/new-paintings-200x75.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 501px) 100vw, 501px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-4135\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">The two images I drew on Saturday. I&#8217;ve started the one on the left (above).<\/p><\/div>\n<p>My sense is that what drives this part of me, to seek and transform into some increasingly improved-version of myself has in part, to do with shadow beliefs that doubt my value. There is no defeating shadow \u2013 not in me, not in you, not anywhere. My seeking has taught me that what we are here to do, is to shine the light of consciousness on it. For me, this means putting away the self-help books, turning off the radio, unless it\u2019s something that feeds my feminine soul, feeding myself through my eyes, my ears, all my senses. I\u2019m shining the light of love, of mercy, of grace on the driving, striving parts of me. And I\u2019m letting myself live <em>pink<\/em>!<\/p>\n<p>I invite you to shine the light of awareness on the parts of you that may be calling for it \u2013 and live in <em>your<\/em> color.<\/p>\n<p>With my love,<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listen to this post: I am a thought-ful person \u2013 I mean to say not so much that I\u2019m kind and I think of others \u2013 which I do aim to be and do \u2013 but that I am full of thoughts. I\u2019ve been watching myself think, and am realizing how incredibly busy it is [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>March 1, 2016 - Taking a pink break - Life in Full Color<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-1-2016-taking-pink-break\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"March 1, 2016 - Taking a pink break - Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Listen to this post: I am a thought-ful person \u2013 I mean to say not so much that I\u2019m kind and I think of others \u2013 which I do aim to be and do \u2013 but that I am full of thoughts. 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