{"id":4387,"date":"2016-05-17T20:19:27","date_gmt":"2016-05-18T03:19:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=4387"},"modified":"2016-05-18T09:43:43","modified_gmt":"2016-05-18T16:43:43","slug":"may-17-2016-eye-human-hurricane","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/may-17-2016-eye-human-hurricane\/","title":{"rendered":"May 17, 2016 &#8211; In the Eye of the Human Hurricane"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/may-17-2016-eye-human-hurricane\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><div id=\"attachment_4400\" style=\"width: 600px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4400\" class=\"wp-image-4400 \" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/FullSizeRender-resized-02.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"590\" height=\"447\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/FullSizeRender-resized-02.jpg 700w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/FullSizeRender-resized-02-300x228.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/FullSizeRender-resized-02-600x455.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/FullSizeRender-resized-02-200x152.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 590px) 100vw, 590px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-4400\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">&#8220;I&#8217;m in the eye of the hurricane with this painting &#8211; it&#8217;s home while I&#8217;m away for two weeks! I&#8217;ll get back to the flurry of all these hydrangea petals in June.&#8221;<\/p><\/div>\n<p>[Note: I\u2019m travelling today. I\u2019ll resume recording when I\u2019m back home from vacation \u2013 at the latest.]<\/p>\n<p>On Friday I had a long talk with someone who is very special to me, who is living through a very difficult time in her life \u2013 one that is asking an enormous amount of her. She said it\u2019s the hardest time she\u2019s ever been through. Part of what we shared, was what comes of living through hard times. It\u2019s a great paradox: we never want to endure hard times, nor wish it for others \u2013 anywhere, but it <em>is<\/em> what makes us <em>us<\/em>. Or it can be \u2013 depending upon how we meet it. Good times are wonderful \u2013 falling in love, having great success, visiting beautiful places, being surrounded by wonderful people, enjoying robust health \u2013 or just feeling at home in our lives, as things go along. Good times <em>are<\/em> necessary to bring encouragement, rest and to refuel us. But from what I\u2019ve seen of life, it\u2019s the hard times that forge us \u2013 evolve us. They make us stronger, more resilient, more creative \u2013 and more human.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a strange setup, that what we want to avoid, is also the thing that sculpts us into who we are and brings out our humanity. My attention is always captured by examples and stories that illustrate this. I heard an interview of a man who lived through WWII in London, the siege, little food, loss of loved ones, loss of a normal life. And he said it was the best of times. People helped each other out, made do with less, celebrated more, took nothing for granted. Joe and I had a trip planned to Italy on September 14, 2001 \u2013 just three days after the attacks in New York and Washington. I spoke over the phone to someone who ran a small agritourismo, in a tiny town outside of Florence, asking to cancel our reservation. She was kind and concerned and said, \u201cof course\u201d and refunded all our money without question. This Italian woman and I had no idea who the other was a few days before, but because of the horrible circumstances, we were no longer strangers. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2000. Without speaking of it with each other, or planning it, all four of us, my brothers and I, showed up that evening to circle the wagons and be with Mom and Dad. Hardship shows us our love of each other \u2013 it connects us.<\/p>\n<p>If you think about it, if we had no hardship, we\u2019d not learn anything new, not appreciate all we have, not have a sense of our own contribution, the difference we make, and we\u2019d not need each other. Though it\u2019s our nature to avoid it, escape it, numb ourselves or just complain, we must meet hardship \u2013 we must really <em>live<\/em> it, for it to have its way with us. And I believe that without some source of love and support, this is just about impossible. My friend shared with me how valuable it is to her, to have people hear her. She needs for someone to simply take in what life is like for her \u2013 allow her to share deep, painful feelings and experiences \u2013 without trying to fix things or console her \u2013 or to show her the \u201cbright side.\u201d What helps the most she said, is to have someone say \u201coh, how awful this must be \u2013 I\u2019m <em>so<\/em> sorry.\u201d Being witnessed, is a way out of the loneliness of our suffering, and it makes our experience real. It helps us find a way to hold what we are dealing with differently; it has us realize that though we hurt, some part of us is fully whole. My friend said, \u201cthis is <em>so<\/em> hard\u2026 and I am <em>fine<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I know that in my life, the support and witness I\u2019ve had during my seasons of struggle, have helped me see my way through to a new level of capacity and awareness. I have (and have had) lots of people in my life who provide this kind of witness \u2013 therapists, coaches, ministers. I\u2019ve heard them say how their own lives, the hardship they have had to endure, has provided them with the experiences necessary to serve others. We can be taught about human behavior patterns and faith traditions, but we can\u2019t get a degree in compassion and connection. If we\u2019ve not ever experienced grief, we can\u2019t be with someone who is currently experiencing it in the same powerful, real way.<\/p>\n<p>Not to make us mechanistic, but it occurs to me that we \u2013 specifically our hearts &#8211; are sort of like processors of hardship. In goes human experience \u2013 human suffering, challenges. When met, when felt, truly, deeply, it transforms &#8211; out comes compassion, connection and capacity for perspective \u2013 as well as creative solutions to our problems. It thereby leaves us changed, stronger, with greater capacity to respond to difficulty down the road. I wrote a post several weeks ago, where I said those who have the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/life-stories\/march-29-2016-painting-redemption\/#comments\" target=\"_blank\">capacity for their own suffering<\/a>, have fully \u201cdigested\u201d their pain. This is what I\u2019m talking about here. It\u2019s like the Buddhist practice called tonglen. I may not have this exactly right, but my understanding of it (from a book I read years ago by Pema Chodron) is that we breathe in <em>suffering<\/em> and breathe out <em>love<\/em>, thereby transforming dark into light within our own beings, within our hearts.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m up in a plane as I write this \u2013 on the way to Kauai \u2013 to meet my sweetie, who is already there. As I look down, I see layers of clouds and the blue ocean below them. Fortunately (especially because I\u2019m a bit of scardy-cat flyer) the Pacific Ocean is living up to its name, and we are floating smoothly above the earth. Maybe because I\u2019m suspended in our atmosphere, but the idea of a hurricane has come to me. Gale force winds swiping across the land, in the center is the eye, a place of relative calm. Though this is a rather violent metaphor, I think that when life is tossing us about, we can find ourselves in the center of the storm, where everything doesn\u2019t hit us with such intensity. I wonder if this isn\u2019t where my friend finds herself, when she realizes that, despite all that is swirling around her, tossing her life about, she is still ok.<\/p>\n<p>I almost always have the intention in these posts, to bring what I\u2019m seeing about life to art-making (or visa-versa). Art making certainly isn\u2019t as hard as the greatest hardships in our lives, but the analogy applies, nevertheless. Learning to work with watercolor <em>is<\/em> hard. Learning to see &#8211; really see &#8211; what\u2019s there and training your color eye, can be hard too, if you\u2019re not amongst the few, who have been bestowed these abilities from birth. <em>And<\/em> there isn\u2019t any way to learn, to gain the abilities, these skills without actually doing them. We must sit down, dip the brush in water, in paint and put it to the paper ourselves. In this way, it is a solo endeavor; anyone else\u2019s hand on the brush, and we miss out on the benefit. And the bearing witness part applies too; it is always my aim to minimize the discomfort, by normalizing the struggle and offering pointers along the way.<\/p>\n<p>I so don\u2019t mean to trivialize great suffering, by comparing it to painting. But there is a spectrum, a range of degree of intensity in everything. And fortunately for most of us, our suffering is more frequently small-scale, than hurricane-force. But maybe if we practice finding the eye in the smaller storms, like when we are learning to paint, finding it when the big stuff comes, we\u2019ll be better prepared. Then when the storm passes, and we can rest, we reform our lives from a new place, with a new perspective. This is my great hope anyway.<\/p>\n<p>With my love,<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>[Note: I\u2019m travelling today. I\u2019ll resume recording when I\u2019m back home from vacation \u2013 at the latest.] On Friday I had a long talk with someone who is very special to me, who is living through a very difficult time in her life \u2013 one that is asking an enormous amount of her. She said [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>May 17, 2016 - In the Eye of the Human Hurricane - Life in Full Color<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/may-17-2016-eye-human-hurricane\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"May 17, 2016 - In the Eye of the Human Hurricane - Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"[Note: I\u2019m travelling today. 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