{"id":4438,"date":"2016-06-14T11:30:58","date_gmt":"2016-06-14T18:30:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=4438"},"modified":"2016-06-14T12:49:39","modified_gmt":"2016-06-14T19:49:39","slug":"june-14-2016-missed-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/june-14-2016-missed-day\/","title":{"rendered":"June 14, 2016 &#8211; I missed a day&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/june-14-2016-missed-day\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><div id=\"attachment_4435\" style=\"width: 600px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4435\" class=\" wp-image-4435\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Offering-600.jpg\" alt=\"&quot;The finished painting - I'm calling it &quot;Offering&quot;. Its story will appear soon in the gallery.&quot;\" width=\"590\" height=\"451\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Offering-600.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Offering-600-300x230.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Offering-600-200x153.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 590px) 100vw, 590px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-4435\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">&#8220;The finished painting &#8211; I&#8217;m calling it &#8220;Offering&#8221;. Its story will appear soon in the gallery.&#8221;<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Listen to this post:<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-4438-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/20160614-Post.m4a?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/20160614-Post.m4a\">http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/20160614-Post.m4a<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>I woke up very early, it was still dark. Lying there awake and alert, it dawned on me that I didn\u2019t paint yesterday. Oh, no\u2026 I checked the time \u2013 4:04 am. My heart sunk. It was way past midnight. I couldn\u2019t leap out of bed to paint for a few minutes, so that I could <em>say<\/em> that I did. The day was over and my streak is broken \u2013 almost 5 and a half months of painting daily, and now I won\u2019t be able to say at the end of the year, that I painted every single day in 2016. The day went by, busied with the rest of my life and I didn\u2019t ever make it to my paints.<\/p>\n<p>To be honest, what I called painting on Sunday, was hardly worth counting either. I\u2019d spent the day working hard out in the yard and by the time we got home from my folks for Sunday Dinner, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I painted for two or three minutes on the rain rose and crawled to bed. We had spent the day re-staining the front walk, and then I had fun painting impressions of leaves in the concrete different colors. So, though I didn\u2019t work much on a watercolor painting (which \u2013 specifically \u2013 is my commitment), I did paint <em>something<\/em>. I had a great time using my color-mixing abilities to tint the stain intense colors of greens, golds and rusts, using watercolor pigments. But yesterday, I didn\u2019t touch a brush for any reason. There\u2019s no rationalizing it, I just didn\u2019t do it.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_4436\" style=\"width: 550px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4436\" class=\" wp-image-4436\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/leaves.jpg\" alt=\"&quot;Some of the leaves I painted in the front patio and walk.&quot;\" width=\"540\" height=\"136\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/leaves.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/leaves-300x76.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/leaves-200x50.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 540px) 100vw, 540px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-4436\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">&#8220;Some of the leaves I painted in the front patio and walk.&#8221;<\/p><\/div>\n<p>The other part of it is, that after about 9 or 10 in the morning, I didn\u2019t even <em>think<\/em> of it! To me, this is what my commitment is really about, being faithful to what is important to me \u2013 and it\u2019s the part that has me the most disappointed. Don\u2019t get me wrong. Action matters. Nothing happens, no paintings get painted, if we don\u2019t actually do the work. But this commitment to paint every day, is a devotion. Painting is how I connect to myself &#8211; who I am, what I\u2019m here to do. It is how I love, how I show my love, how I live my love. And I forgot. The sinking feeling \u2013 which is still here as I write this \u2013 shows me how connected to my heart this is.<\/p>\n<p>Walking is good for sorting things out, so I did my walk with Bo, first today. As I walked, it occurred to me that my heart feels just like it does when I let Joe down. My connection to my creative life is a relationship, just as my marriage is. And then, I reminded myself that being human means not being perfect. Like some of us, I have a lot of attachment to perfection \u2013 which is often, not pretty. I recall writing to you in several posts so far this year that \u201cI\u2019ve not missed a day yet.\u201d I now see the pride in making the statement. It\u2019s tricky. It is my intention to keep my commitment, but I want to keep it for what\u2019s behind my making it, not so that I can <em>say<\/em> I did and look good for keeping it. To be really transparent, there have been several \u2013 maybe a dozen or more days \u2013 that what I did hardly counted for much. I painted so that I could \u201cget it in\u201d rather than to express my devotion.<\/p>\n<p>The commitment is here and it\u2019s still having its impact. Without it, this would be a non-event. On my walk, I also reflected on the countless days before the end of 2015 that went by, when I didn\u2019t paint and never gave it another thought. This seems to happen especially just after a big push, to get a painting done for a deadline. I had just finished \u201cOffering\u201d (the painting above) on Saturday morning \u2013 I guess that sometimes I just need a break. This points to another tricky part: my profession is my devotion. Sometimes it\u2019s necessary to get into production mode \u2013 like I was last week \u2013 especially Monday and Tuesday &#8211; forcing myself to get \u2018er done. Technically, that qualifies for \u201cpainting every day\u201d but the promise to myself, is to make it devotional. During these times, it\u2019s hard to combine the two.<\/p>\n<p>I am sorry I missed a day, and I appreciate what\u2019s come of it for me \u2013 how it has impacted me. I\u2019m not beating myself up, but I am taking note of how readily we (at least some of us) are pulled away from what matters to us. Today, I\u2019m recommitting anew, to paint every day the rest of the year, and I\u2019m grateful for the way that letting something down \u2013 something that really matters \u2013 can bring me, bring us, to make a stronger, deeper commitment.<\/p>\n<p>I wrote a post a couple of months ago, about fine-tuning my commitment, by actually scheduling time every day to paint &#8211; thereby protecting my devotion from being crowded out &#8211; like it was yesterday. I want to report, that I\u2019ve done absolutely nothing towards that promise to you. In my corporate days, I was a devotee of the Franklin planner and spent every work day laying out my day. After several years of buying paper planners\/calendars and using them for three or four days <em>all<\/em> year, I\u2019ve stopped buying them. I use the calendar on my computer and phone to manage appointments, but scheduling how I spend my time around appointments, is done completely by the seat of my pants. I don\u2019t impose structure on myself easily.<\/p>\n<p>It is my desire, my intention, to head in this direction. I don\u2019t have the answer as to how. The resistance I wrote about in that post, still lives in me. But right along side it is, my promise to honor my love \u2013 to live my devotion. I\u2019ve heard that tension \u2013 creative tension \u2013 is how life is worked out. This, today, is mine.<\/p>\n<p>In this moment, I\u2019m also very aware of my relationship with you and how it serves me in my life and process.<\/p>\n<p>With my gratitude and love,<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listen to this post: I woke up very early, it was still dark. Lying there awake and alert, it dawned on me that I didn\u2019t paint yesterday. Oh, no\u2026 I checked the time \u2013 4:04 am. My heart sunk. It was way past midnight. I couldn\u2019t leap out of bed to paint for a few [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>June 14, 2016 - I missed a day... - Life in Full Color<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/june-14-2016-missed-day\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"June 14, 2016 - I missed a day... - Life in Full Color\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Listen to this post: I woke up very early, it was still dark. 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