{"id":4975,"date":"2017-03-01T10:12:42","date_gmt":"2017-03-01T18:12:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=4975"},"modified":"2017-03-01T10:54:15","modified_gmt":"2017-03-01T18:54:15","slug":"march-1-2017-trusting-rhythm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/march-1-2017-trusting-rhythm\/","title":{"rendered":"March 1, 2017 – Trusting your own rhythm"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n \n \"Fb-Button\"\n <\/a>\n <\/div>
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Finding joy and play painting these clear, light colors.<\/p><\/div>\n

I\u2019ve just past the second weekend in a row when I didn\u2019t pick up a paintbrush.\u00a0 Not once during the four days did I do what I love to do \u2013 sit alone with my work and bring something to life with paint on paper. Many times – I walked by my studio, glanced at my painting and felt disconnected from it.\u00a0 These pristine plumeria blossoms in the painting I started on our lovely vacation were waiting for me.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s that we\u2019re back home to winter, it\u2019s colder, wetter and a bit darker.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019m responding to the season and weather.\u00a0 I also ended up catching yet another head cold \u2013 which did not help my energy level.\u00a0 The first weekend I was navigating through some rough waters in an important relationship \u2013 always consuming for me.\u00a0 Regardless of the reason, after painting nearly every day last year, I\u2019m finding myself worrying when I spend too much time away from it.\u00a0 Did I set a \u201cnew normal\u201d last year and am I off track, or is everything just fine?<\/p>\n

I know that I drive myself pretty hard \u2013 at least on the inside.\u00a0 I expect a lot from myself \u2013 or those who love me tell me it\u2019s a lot, anyway.\u00a0 What exactly is \u201ca lot\u201d is very subjective.\u00a0 But, when I find myself here \u2013 talking to myself like I\u2019m \u201cmisbehaving,\u201d if I can remember to, I step back.\u00a0 Perspective is always instructive.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve looked at my activity \u2013 my time spent painting over the nearly 25 years since I was first introduced to watercolor.\u00a0 From 1992 when I took that first class with my mom until 2003 I painted very little and very sporadically.\u00a0 From 2004 \u2013 2006 it was a few paintings each year.\u00a0 Then, in 2007 \u2013 when I first had an audience, a compelling reason to paint \u2013 I finished eight (!) paintings.\u00a0 The nine years since I\u2019ve painted 75 more.\u00a0 So there is<\/em> evidence of some consistency here — says she to the part of her who is afraid she\u2019s starting to slack off!<\/p>\n

Looking at the months in which I finished these paintings, I see something else \u2013 until I started leading watercolor groups in 2011 I took a months-long break from painting every winter.\u00a0 So it\u2019s natural for me to hibernate.\u00a0 Leading groups year-round has provided me the structure to stay engaged with my painting life without taking long breaks.\u00a0 But has it made me more productive?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a numbers geek and my inner-techie dug further.\u00a0 (This part of me just can\u2019t help itself!) Yesterday I created a timeline which includes all the paintings I\u2019ve done since 2000, including size of the painting, giving me a more complete idea how much I\u2019ve painted these past years \u2013 beyond the simple number of paintings.\u00a0 Though some paintings are<\/em> more detailed than others and thus take longer to paint, in general size is an indication of time spent painting.\u00a0 I\u2019ve calculated the total number of square feet of paper I\u2019ve covered with paint.\u00a0 (Yes, I\u2019ve actually done<\/em> this \u2013 I\u2019ve reduced my paintings to square footage!) Here\u2019s the chart:<\/p>\n

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Square Feet of paintings per year 2000 – 2016<\/p><\/div>\n

What does this tell me?\u00a0 (Other than that I should watch myself so I don\u2019t get lost in Excel spreadsheets when my paintings are not calling to me!) I see that taking long breaks didn\u2019t mean I painted any less<\/em>.\u00a0 If anything the last three or so years I didn\u2019t paint as much as some years when I took time to rest my brushes.\u00a0 There are other factors too \u2013 I started writing these journal posts every week in late 2014 for one.\u00a0 And I planned and held two special events \u2013 Healdsburg and Paris in 2014 and 2015 – which took time and creative cycles.<\/p>\n

My intuition says that it\u2019s more the creative cycles than the actual clock time.\u00a0 We aren\u2019t machines that can keep cranking out art like widgets.\u00a0 Painting to make something come alive on paper – and now I\u2019ve experienced this with writing too – requires focus and brain power.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t the same as doing something more task-oriented, something that can become rote in time.\u00a0 No matter how long we do this, if we are alive and present it demands of us something more.<\/p>\n

This said, I am<\/em> still a good student of Steven Pressfield\u2019s The War of Art<\/em><\/a>.\u00a0 I know the perils of not being aware of when Resistance is in play.\u00a0 But as much as I love, love, love this book and have been supported and emboldened by his writing, there is a macho element that doesn\u2019t work for my feminine sensibilities.\u00a0 Maybe it is that men aren\u2019t ever pregnant – and thus aren\u2019t built for the experience of gestation – that he doesn\u2019t speak to the rhythms of creative life so much.\u00a0 I do understand that if I don\u2019t ever show up at my painting table or Microsoft Word on my laptop, that nothing will ever get painted or written.\u00a0 But there is a season for everything \u2013 it\u2019s the way of life on earth.<\/p>\n

The regular artists who paint with me on Thursdays and Fridays have a range of rhythms to their creative lives.\u00a0 Many paint only when in Larkspur, a small group paint throughout the week and the rest are somewhere in between.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard some of them express the desire to paint more<\/em> (no one wants to paint less!).<\/p>\n

Though the desire to paint more can be long held, more time spent painting doesn\u2019t easily just happen<\/em>.\u00a0 For me it took a life-change.\u00a0 Not having kids left a hole in me that eventually led to my jumping into doing art shows regularly and selling my work. \u00a0It took this for me to spend so much more time and energy on my creative work.\u00a0 (2004 was when I realized I\u2019d never have children \u2013 see the spike in my work in the graph above in 2005.) Other life changes I\u2019ve seen catalyze the increase in creative output include: retirement, death, infertility, and burnout.\u00a0 All of these have in common that a space has been created or must<\/em> be created for the survival of the soul.<\/p>\n

You may think I\u2019m contradicting myself \u2013 that on one hand I\u2019m saying that we can only create so much and on the other that we have to work against Resistance to create at all \u2013 on top of this<\/em> – to create more requires some major life upheaval \u2013 grief even.\u00a0 I\u2019m saying it\u2019s all true<\/em>.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve not been creating, it takes something shifting in your life and your self<\/em> for you to devote real time to it.\u00a0 Having a regular commitment, like our weekly groups helps, but it won\u2019t create the time the other 6 days of the week.\u00a0 It takes being aware of how Resistance can get in the way – because it will<\/em>. But then \u2013 and this is especially for those of us who have spent considerable time in our creative work \u2013 to care for ourselves, our souls, and our creative spirits, we have to allow time to rest<\/em>.<\/p>\n

There is another thought that has come to me.\u00a0 This one is directed exactly at my self<\/em>.\u00a0 It may be that what I need isn\u2019t so much a rest from painting, but to spend time experimenting, playing<\/em> with my materials \u2013 just for the pure joy of it.\u00a0 As an artist whose work is for sale, there is an element of commerce in what I do.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me wrong \u2013 I love what I paint and I paint what I love, but I still require of myself that the output be in line with my other saleable work.\u00a0 I\u2019m not just goofing off — and goof off time with color sounds so fun right now!<\/p>\n

See?\u00a0 Given the attention and curiosity I discovered something.\u00a0 I could use some play<\/em>.\u00a0 So where are you?\u00a0 Are you harboring a desire to paint more?\u00a0 What might you need to say no to?\u00a0 Is there something in the world pulling at your energies that you can consciously shield yourself from?\u00a0 Are you like me a little tired at this time of year and need some play?\u00a0 Or is it that all is going along nicely?\u00a0 Step inside to listen to what you are telling yourself.\u00a0 Impulses, reactions, irritations, longings \u2013 they are all<\/em> purposeful.\u00a0 They all point you to your own pace and rhythm in doing your work.\u00a0 They are part of our creative-life-health-care-system and I believe that not only can<\/em> we trust them \u2013 but that if we are serious about bringing out the art that is in us, we must<\/em>.<\/p>\n

With my love,<\/p>\n

Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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