{"id":5043,"date":"2017-04-05T18:09:40","date_gmt":"2017-04-06T01:09:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=5043"},"modified":"2017-04-05T18:09:40","modified_gmt":"2017-04-06T01:09:40","slug":"april-5-2017-aint-mishavin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/april-5-2017-aint-mishavin\/","title":{"rendered":"April 5, 2017 – Ain’t mishavin’"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Life<\/a>

That last bee, last bud, last flower center painted. This one is now officially finished. I’m calling it “Eden.” Look for it on my website later this week. It’s already spoken for, but I’ll have beautiful giclee prints available soon.<\/p><\/div>\n

Bren\u00e9 Brown (no relation) is one of the heroines of my inner journey.\u00a0 Several years ago I watched her first two TEDs talks on vulnerability and shame and knew she was the real deal.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read a couple of her books and have felt enormously supported by what she has to say.\u00a0 She\u2019s since been on Oprah (two shows in a row at the start, because Oprah wanted more after the first one!) and she has become quite well known in the world.\u00a0 What she teaches is an antidote to much of the causes of inter-personal harm in our culture \u2013 as it helps people live whole-hearted lives.\u00a0 The perfectionist streak in me is tenacious and Bren\u00e9 Brown\u2019s discoveries and teachings encourage me to lighten up on myself.\u00a0 Her latest book: \u201cRising Strong\u201d has been waiting for me in my audio book library for a while.\u00a0 Last Saturday, after an unhappy exchange in the morning with my hubby, was the time to start listening to it.\u00a0 So, as I was working on finishing this painting above of apple blossoms and bees mixing the soft pastels of cobalt teal blue, quinacridone rose and hansa yellow medium, I heard her tell me about picking ourselves up after an emotional fall \u2013 and becoming stronger in the process.<\/p>\n

One of the questions that she explores at length is:\u00a0 In any given moment, are people doing the best they can?\u00a0 It seems there are two pretty distinct camps.\u00a0 Those of us who tend to be hardest on ourselves, tend to be hard on others as well \u2013 and believe that people are absolutely not<\/em> doing their best.\u00a0 Then there are those of us who see that everyone has their own story, their own capacities, injuries and experiences and that in any given situation, if they could<\/em> do better they would<\/em>.\u00a0 Though I continue at times to be pretty hard on myself, and to pass judgement on others \u2013 I sure was on my sweetheart on Saturday morning, I can easily find my way to the other camp.\u00a0 I see the wisdom \u2013 and the miracle of human interaction – that comes from giving someone the benefit of the doubt and not reacting as if there is something fundamentally wrong with them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s funny how ideas tend to constellate and recur.\u00a0 This is a message I\u2019ve heard in different forms before \u2013 some quite recently.\u00a0 I first heard it from Alison Armstrong.\u00a0 When she began her studies of how men and women interact, she asked herself these questions:\u00a0 What if nobody is misbehaving?\u00a0 And:\u00a0 What if there is a good reason for what they are doing?\u00a0 These two \u201cwhat if\u2019s\u201d alone can be life-changing.\u00a0 Then just last week I was listening to a Krista Tippett conversation with P\u00e1draig \u00d3 Tuama who she describes as a poet, theologian, and extraordinary healer in Northern Ireland.\u00a0 Towards the end of their talk she quoted him as saying \u201cmost people do what seems reasonable to them at the time – most of the time.\u201d She followed:\u00a0 \u201cthe people who may be so offending us and may seem frightening to us are actually doing what seems reasonable to them.\u201d\u00a0 And there are certainly others in the world who might need to make room for me \u2013 when what I\u2019m doing isn\u2019t reasonable to them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a challenging idea.\u00a0 Bren\u00e9 Brown said that she calls herself the most likely person to be asked the question \u201ceven serial killers and terrorists?\u201d\u00a0 Yes, even those who commit heinous acts are doing their best\/doing what seems most reasonable to them\/are not \u2013 in their<\/em> minds misbehaving.\u00a0 This does not condone what they do, it does not mean that we don\u2019t respond and protect others from them.\u00a0 But what it does is re-install their humanity.\u00a0 Though we may have the tendency to want to test the idea in these extreme cases, where it really can have impact is when we apply it to those closest to us.<\/p>\n

I often read and listen to wisdom like this and think about all the people I love who I want to share it with \u2013 in order to bring greater peace and happiness to them<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019m so oriented towards those around me that I have to remind myself to consider it for myself \u2013 and to actually look inward first<\/em>.\u00a0 Because, I can only offer the generosity of this perspective towards those around me if I\u2019ve allowed that I\u2019m doing my<\/em> best too.\u00a0 It has become my tender desire \u2013 and intention to be as gentle with myself (beyond a wholesome discipline, says Desiderata).\u00a0 I am<\/em> doing the best I can in any given moment.<\/p>\n

From the stand point of the \u201cother side\u201d one could say that this is a slippery slope.\u00a0 You might protest by saying that we must be held accountable when we are not measuring up.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We should.\u00a0 But the problem comes when the accountability-holding is cloaked in judgement and criticism (\u201cyou should have known better!\u201d).\u00a0 When the response lacks any acknowledgment of our shared humanity, of our intention and our desire to do well, it shuts us down.\u00a0 Hard-liners don\u2019t acknowledge that what we all want is to be heard, to contribute and to matter.<\/p>\n

As a later-in-life teacher\/guide to those who are discovering who they are as artists, I see how critical this idea is in the world of expressive and creative arts.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard many, many stories of those whose teachers did not come from the \u201cdoing the best we can\u201d camp \u2013 who squashed spirits in response to tender sprouts of early art work.\u00a0 I have a few stories of my own \u2013 this is why after childhood it took until my 30\u2019s to be brave enough to try my hand again at making art.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the most important thing I do in the groups I lead \u2013 I create the container \u2013 a safe container \u2013 for the art to emerge from the artists.\u00a0 We are so vulnerable when we allow others to see the art we make \u2013 especially when we are first starting.\u00a0 I have had several people express interest in joining us, but feeling tentative about it because of the skill and capacities of the other artists in our group.\u00a0 It is hard – to imagine walking in with little experience or confidence, surrounded by these artists and their artwork. But every single one of us started one day and has a series of paintings that reveal the progression of our abilities.\u00a0 And, on top of that, if a new artist could hear the thoughts inside our heads as we paint \u2013 they\u2019d realize that regardless of how the world gives accolades for what we are painting, we are often so lacking the inner-confidence one would imagine we\u2019d have!<\/p>\n

Life isn\u2019t forever.\u00a0 We all will one day become incapacitated and die – and will no longer be able to pick up a brush and put color onto paper.\u00a0 So, as long as we bring a desire to express ourselves genuinely, what we do is precious.\u00a0 There is a note of grace in every impulse, every color choice, every dab of our brushes.\u00a0 We are doing our best in every<\/em> minute.\u00a0 The miracle comes as we pay attention to the result we got and make adjustments for the next one.\u00a0 We learn and get better.\u00a0 It\u2019s really that simple.\u00a0 It is my prayer to have the presence of mind hold this perspective as much as I possibly can.\u00a0 And when I can\u2019t, to notice and adjust and grow.<\/p>\n

With my love,<\/p>\n

Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bren\u00e9 Brown (no relation) is one of the heroines of my inner journey.\u00a0 Several years ago I watched her first two TEDs talks on vulnerability and shame and knew she was the real deal.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read a couple of her books and have felt enormously supported by what she has to say.\u00a0 She\u2019s since been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nApril 5, 2017 - 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