{"id":5285,"date":"2017-08-23T16:47:04","date_gmt":"2017-08-23T23:47:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=5285"},"modified":"2017-08-23T16:47:04","modified_gmt":"2017-08-23T23:47:04","slug":"august-23-2017-facing-fears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/august-23-2017-facing-fears\/","title":{"rendered":"August 23, 2017 &#8211; Facing Fears"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/august-23-2017-facing-fears\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/XcDE_3X6kJo\" width=\"300\" height=\"150\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>One of the nights during my Mount Whitney hike, as I was lying awake in the dark in my sleeping bag \u2013 <em>not<\/em> sleeping, certain thoughts came up \u2013 thoughts about my relationship with fear.\u00a0 We all have fears \u2013 they are part of being human.\u00a0 I\u2019m not alone in that I have been plagued by some big scary, will-I survive-this?-fears.\u00a0 Given the conscious choice, I\u2019ve always been the kind of person who would rather stay safe than face them.\u00a0 But it\u2019s almost as if something else, some other force, is living through me. Because that night I saw that the motivation to test myself physically by doing this hike was part of a theme that has woven through my life to face these fears.\u00a0 I reflected on some big fears &#8211; whose purpose was to keep me safe \u2013 but actually kept me from living my life fully.<\/p>\n<p>The first one I thought of was my fear of being alone.\u00a0 When I was in high school and college I wanted to do a year abroad.\u00a0 I wanted to go to France and become proficient speaking French.\u00a0 But this fear stopped me from ever even looking into it.\u00a0 The thought of being so far away from everyone I knew and loved was terrifying!\u00a0 And I stayed in my first marriage for a long time (by some people\u2019s estimation) given how difficult life was then.\u00a0 It lasted fourteen years partly because I had an existential fear that I would die if I left.\u00a0 My body helped me take the steps to do so &#8211; by having panic attacks; it literally shook me to get my attention.\u00a0 My body protested so fiercely that I knew I had no choice but to leave.\u00a0 Once I did, just ten days later I wrote in my journal that if I were to get divorced, I wanted to live and work in Paris for six months.\u00a0 Well, I did get divorced and the universe set it up so I spent six months in Paris starting the following spring.<\/p>\n<p>While in Paris my fears of being alone were front and center.\u00a0 \u201cI have no idea when my next hug will come\u201d was a thought that I had just after arriving.\u00a0 (A thought I unkindly judged as pathetic at the time.) I was introduced to an American woman who was also spending some time in Paris; we went to lunch the next Saturday and there was my hug.\u00a0 Three months into my trip I had one of the most powerful experiences of my life.\u00a0 One night driving alone in the dark in the Loire Valley I had this feeling come over me; I felt safe and whole and perfect and not needing <em>anyone<\/em> in that moment.\u00a0 In fact, if any of my loved ones had been with me, what I felt would not have been possible \u2013 and I\u2019ve never been the same. It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t ever fear being alone, but I now have the experience that happened when I was driving along in my little rental car to draw from when I do.<\/p>\n<p>I share this next fear with millions of others &#8211; speaking in front of people.\u00a0 I was a shy toddler; I\u2019m told I hid behind my mama\u2019s legs.\u00a0 And I was born in a body that blushes easily.\u00a0 If someone told me my shoelaces were untied my face turned red.\u00a0 So when the time came for me to do some kind of oral report in school, I had the horrible experience of sweating, turning red, having my mind go blank and looking for the nearest hole to hide in.\u00a0 I\u2019d do <em>anything<\/em> I could to avoid this experience \u2013 behavior I carried with me into my 30\u2019s.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember what caused me to want to face this fear, but it started when I discovered Speaking Circles.\u00a0 Speaking Circles\u2019 founder, Lee Glickstein discovered a way to help people heal their stage fright without having to gut through it \u2013 a way that is very different from Toastmasters. Speaking Circles and participating in worship services at the Fairfax Community Church, where I had a very safe and loving audience, have been instrumental in bringing me fully to the other side of my fear of public speaking.\u00a0 I can now be handed a microphone and, even without preparing, stay present and focused and even have my face retain its normal color!<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve never broken a bone, I\u2019ve never even sprained anything.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always played it safe with my body for fear of not being able to withstand pain and injury.\u00a0 And in menopause a certain level of hypochondria has crept in where every little thing that comes up, my mind has made up it is life threatening. Something coalesced this spring that inspired this summer\u2019s hike up Whitney.\u00a0 From the time I signed up until the morning we started out, these fears arose and attempted to stop me.\u00a0 But they didn\u2019t and I now have not only an entirely different relationship with my body\u2019s capabilities, its strength and health, but I have a whole different concept of myself. It\u2019s remarkable.<\/p>\n<p>I see now there are other fears that I\u2019ve faced:\u00a0 I fell crazy in love with a remarkable man who was diagnosed with cancer six days after our first date.\u00a0 In the face of all kinds of fears about how this might turn out I invited him to move in with me two weeks later to support him going through chemo.\u00a0 I risked my family when I needed to back myself by taking a break from having contact with one member of my family.\u00a0 Family is a huge part of my life and being without them was one of the hardest times I\u2019ve been through.\u00a0 When it turned out that I\u2019d not have the children I so wanted, I faced the fears of my own significance to pursue work that would bring meaning to my childless life.<\/p>\n<p>The outcome of facing all of these fears has been my <em>freedom<\/em> \u2013 my capacity to freely choose how to live. And I am altogether different because of it.\u00a0 People who have only known me for a short time would hardly recognize the version of me I was in my 20\u2019s \u2013 before facing these fears.\u00a0 There is a voice in my head that has been chirping up throughout writing this whole post \u2013 it\u2019s saying that all of this is rather <em>boastful<\/em> isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Look at me and how brave I have been to have faced these fears!\u00a0 Well, maybe, but my experience is that it\u2019s not been me.\u00a0 It\u2019s not been bravery.\u00a0 I truly feel like some other force has been at the helm of these shifts in my how I relate to my fears.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure what the purpose is, but I\u2019m grateful for the freedom that has come of it!<\/p>\n<p>There is something else I\u2019m noticing \u2013 <em>how<\/em> I faced them.\u00a0 It seems I have been meant to face my fears in a way that is as kind to me as possible.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never thrown myself under the bus!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t just jump on a plane to France.\u00a0 I asked for and was supported by having a structure \u2013 a job and a paycheck and nice people to keep company with.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t force myself into just getting up and speaking, wearing out my body\u2019s reactions until they subsided.\u00a0 I waited until I discovered a method of becoming comfortable being seen and heard that wouldn\u2019t force me to go through that torture.\u00a0 And I wasn\u2019t called to do as Cheryl Strayed did and hike the Pacific Crest Trail all alone.\u00a0 I found a group of women with knowledgeable guides and pack mules to support my stretching myself.<\/p>\n<p>There is a lot of value put on doing things the hardest way possible in our culture.\u00a0 But if this is the only way to face our fears or discover our strengths, it leaves a whole bunch of us out.\u00a0 Making art can be just as fearful as anything for some people.\u00a0 And when we have both the fear <em>and<\/em> desire to make art, it\u2019s a challenge.<\/p>\n<p>If this is you, find the kinder, supportive way for yourself.\u00a0 Let me know if there\u2019s something I can do or say to help.\u00a0 Facing our fears, though never easy-peasy, can be done in ways that keeps us out from under the bus.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m here to report that doing so is worth everything.<\/p>\n<p>With my love and appreciation &#8211;<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the nights during my Mount Whitney hike, as I was lying awake in the dark in my sleeping bag \u2013 not sleeping, certain thoughts came up \u2013 thoughts about my relationship with fear.\u00a0 We all have fears \u2013 they are part of being human.\u00a0 I\u2019m not alone in that I have been plagued [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5285","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - 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