{"id":5327,"date":"2017-09-27T14:33:18","date_gmt":"2017-09-27T21:33:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/?p=5327"},"modified":"2017-09-27T14:33:18","modified_gmt":"2017-09-27T21:33:18","slug":"september-27-2017-blessed-unrest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-27-2017-blessed-unrest\/","title":{"rendered":"September 27, 2017 &#8211; Blessed Unrest"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_button\">\n                            <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n                                <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/plugins\/facebook-button-plugin\/images\/standard-facebook-ico.png\" alt=\"Fb-Button\" \/>\n                            <\/a>\n                        <\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/life-stories\/september-27-2017-blessed-unrest\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\"  width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div><div id=\"attachment_5341\" style=\"width: 600px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_0788-e1506547309857.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5341\" class=\"wp-image-5341 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_0788-e1506547309857.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"590\" height=\"443\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_0788-e1506547309857.jpg 590w, https:\/\/www.lifeinfullcolor.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/IMG_0788-e1506547309857-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 590px) 100vw, 590px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-5341\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I am even happier to be painting in my newly freshened studio.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>We started the project to refresh the inside of our house just after the fourth of July and as of Sunday, we are officially <em>done<\/em>.\u00a0 Last week we had the hardwood floors refinished which meant that our furniture was stuffed into the other downstairs rooms and in the garage.\u00a0 Last week I wrote about a room of one\u2019s own while my own room-of-my-own was <em>upside down<\/em> \u2013 filled with boxes of books, houseplants, small tables and everything that lives on them.\u00a0 There was barely a place for me to sit and open up my tiny laptop to write.\u00a0 Sunday we put the house back together and it looked <em>so<\/em> beautiful \u2013 fresh, light and spacious.\u00a0 But then, something <em>had<\/em> to be done about <em>my<\/em> room.<\/p>\n<p>Though I had a list of things to tend to Monday, I woke up and dove in.\u00a0 I spent half the day tearing through my studio, moving book cases (which mean emptying them first) putting my desk into my painting spot, replacing a folding table and cleaning everything \u2013 dead bugs out of the window track, wiping away cobwebs and dusting, dusting, dusting!\u00a0 When I left for the office mid-day, my studio was just <em>beautiful<\/em> except for a stack of papers and notebooks 8\u201d high that I told myself I would have to go through later.<\/p>\n<p>Yesterday morning &#8211; before even getting dressed or brushing my teeth &#8211; I dove again &#8211; into that stack and the file drawer where much of it needed to go.\u00a0 I weeded out stuff that I no longer have any need for \u2013 it felt so good!\u00a0 There is now an equivalent to that 8\u201d stack in the recycle bin and things look and feel even better.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been an artist on a mission!\u00a0 My studio is fresh and spacious just like the rest of the house &#8211; and I love the new arrangement.<\/p>\n<p>In going through papers and files I came across a whole lot of personal growth work and accompanying writing that I\u2019ve done over the years.\u00a0 In there was a list titled \u201cWhat it means to be your wife\u201d &#8211; the first draft of what became our wedding vows \u2013 a fun thing to find yesterday, the 19th anniversary of our first date.\u00a0 I found pages and pages of notes from the <a href=\"http:\/\/understandmen.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">PAX<\/a> work, as I learned distinctions between women and men, and the masculine and the feminine and how we can be in powerful partnership.\u00a0 There were notes, poems and readings from my sessions with Sister Mary, as my relationship with God has grown and expanded, and several iterations of business-oriented work, values, goals, customer profiles and visions for how I\u2019m here to serve.\u00a0 The work I\u2019ve done with my business coach, Lissa Boles, is every bit as much personal growth as any of the rest of it.<\/p>\n<p>What stands out for me in all of this is the part of me that has been positively <em>driven<\/em> to understand, to grow, to heal to \u201cget better.\u201d\u00a0 As much as I wish that I had already known that <em>no matter what I am beautiful and beloved<\/em>, (<a href=\"https:\/\/drkellyflanagan.com\/2014\/07\/30\/no-matter-what-you-are-beautiful-and-beloved\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">in the words of Kelly Flanagan<\/a>), I see that this same gritchy part of me has caused me to seek and discover a level of awareness, a level of consciousness, that I cannot imagine having come to had I not felt in some way lacking.\u00a0 And now that I\u2019m on the path, I cannot imagine my desire for more understanding ever waning.\u00a0 The more I see the more I see that I\u2019ve not yet seen.<\/p>\n<p>I was talking last week with Donna &#8211; <em>My Donna<\/em> &#8211; about the love of her life, Allan Newman, who died two months ago.\u00a0 She was telling me how he invited, encouraged, called out &#8211; to all of us to <em>be ourselves<\/em> \u2013 the selves no one else can be.\u00a0 He contended that most people barely touch it.\u00a0 Most of our authentic selves are hidden, shrouded in behaviors we adopted to be accepted such that we don\u2019t even know ourselves. But when we do, an incomparable light shines from us \u2013 he was after that light in people.\u00a0 Donna\u2019s description of Allan made me think of the famous quote by Martha Graham:<\/p>\n<p><em>There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.\u00a0 \u2028And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. \u2028 The world will not have it.\u00a0 \u2028It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions.\u00a0 \u2028It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.\u00a0 \u2028You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.\u00a0 \u2028You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.\u00a0 Keep the channel open.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This \u201cunique expression\u201d must be what it is I\u2019ve been compelled to discover within myself \u2013 my art, my writing and my philosophy about how best to support people on their creative paths.\u00a0 This first part of the quote is very familiar to me \u2013 I\u2019ve read it <em>many<\/em> times.\u00a0 The version I found online last week, though, had a second part:<\/p>\n<p><em>No artist is ever pleased.\u00a0 There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.\u00a0 There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>(I feel the need to add one word to this last part:\u00a0 There is no complete satisfaction whatever at any time. I can\u2019t imagine a creative life without any satisfaction.\u00a0 I refuse to believe I have to be tortured to be an artist.)<\/p>\n<p>She is spot on.\u00a0 It is absolutely my experience that dis-satisfaction with our work comes with the territory of being a creator.\u00a0 But it is more than just what is to be expected \u2013 she says it\u2019s <em>purposeful<\/em>\u2026 divine\u2026 blessed.\u00a0 Her words \u201cblessed unrest\u201d have gone on to live a life far beyond what she said to Agnes de Mille.\u00a0 Most notably, \u201cBlessed Unrest\u201d is the title of a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blessedunrest.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">book by Paul Hawken<\/a> about the legions who have made their lives attending to the problems of life on Earth.\u00a0 Blessed unrest shows up as hunger for what isn\u2019t yet part of us.\u00a0 It shows up as commitment to see things through and it shows up as desire to keep making progress.\u00a0 It\u2019s what has people come to me wishing to learn to paint and it\u2019s what keeps them coming back every week.\u00a0 It\u2019s what had Sue create her studio; it\u2019s what has me itchy to get back to my painting when I\u2019m pulled away from it.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not comfortable living with this \u201cblessed unrest\u201d \u2013 there is that dissatisfaction to contend with. Nevertheless, looking around at who is doing what with this one precious life we\u2019re each given, I see that having this unrest is a blessing.\u00a0 It\u2019s the grit in the oyster, it\u2019s what has us be brave in the face of obstacles.\u00a0 Unless we are living with it we\u2019d be happy enough just watching more TV.<\/p>\n<p>It does appear as if some of us have it and others not, though.\u00a0 Right after we graduated high school a friend and I went to the bridal shower of one of our classmates from junior high who had moved away. She was getting married right away because she said there wasn\u2019t anything else to do.\u00a0 We were going on to college and had a hard time imagining <em>not<\/em> doing so \u2013 we asked her didn\u2019t she want to go to college too?\u00a0 Her reply was \u201cthere\u2019s nothing to learn.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The question that comes to me is did she have it and just not know it &#8211; <em>do we all have it<\/em>?\u00a0 Is there a blessed unrest in all of us by virtue of the fact that we breathe air?\u00a0 Is it just lying dormant in those for whom it appears absent?\u00a0 If so, is there any way to foster it, to spark it awake in each other?\u00a0 As I ask myself this question I hear a voice inside that unequivocally says \u201cyes.\u201d\u00a0 I am certain I will continue to live my life as if it is <em>absolutely<\/em> possible for every one of us to wake up to it.\u00a0 Allan lived his 90 years this way.\u00a0 We can choose to see the potential for awakening in everyone even in the face of what feels like an epidemic of cynicism in our world.\u00a0 Besides, doing so doesn\u2019t cost much \u2013 mostly we just need to be brave.\u00a0 The payoff is, well, it\u2019s everything.<\/p>\n<p>To our bravery \u2013<\/p>\n<p>Cara<\/p>\n ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We started the project to refresh the inside of our house just after the fourth of July and as of Sunday, we are officially done.\u00a0 Last week we had the hardwood floors refinished which meant that our furniture was stuffed into the other downstairs rooms and in the garage.\u00a0 Last week I wrote about a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-stories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - 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